Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
