Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
