I got chris browned last night
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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