Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
