found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
do nipples grow back?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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