I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize