Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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