i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
