next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
