I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
