coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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