is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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