Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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