I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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