What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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