$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
