Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Houston, we have a blender
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
