Just fell off a train. Bad.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
