her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
