Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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