So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
