Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
