Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
