Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I need a beard to bite.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
