First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
a search helicopter?!
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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