she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
