a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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