And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
