Will you blow on my dice?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
