i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
