I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
