...so i touched it.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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