Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
