Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
