great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
