Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
