I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
