Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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