if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
