well I can't set my house on fire every night
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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