don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I woke up under a house in Key West
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
