We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
