our cab driver is having phone sex.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
