party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
