Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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