I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Green mimosas i think yes
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
