oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
