Got a toothbrush?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
