tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
