Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
