I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize