i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
