Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
