real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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