; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The uberlube is also flammable
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
