For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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