Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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