Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
