Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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