his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
