after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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