Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
